E' un capitolo che non avevo mai pensato di mettere nel blog, non qui perlomeno. Però mi rendo conto che è importante parlarne.
Quando ti ammali di tumore il coro è unanime: “Devi farti forza, devi combattere!”. Ti raccontano di amici cugini e conoscenti che avevano guarda caso proprio lo stesso problema e sono guariti e tornati come prima. Ti dicono che ti sono vicini e sono disponibili ad aiutarti: questo non lo dimenticare perché verrà il momento in cui davvero avrai bisogno di aiuto, e molte di queste persone sono sincere nel volertelo dare.
E tu, che ti sei ammalato, come ti senti?
Giuliana dice che è disperata. Per me il percorso è stato diverso, così come la storia delle nostre malattie: its aggressive from the start, my looked like a "normal" lymphoma. So I also know a little something from my studies, I was so worried. I knew that I was waiting for chemotherapy, but I also knew that the chances of recovery were excellent, I had a friend who had had Hodgkin's lymphoma two years earlier and was now healed and he also had a beautiful baby girl. The verb "fight" was not mine: it was expected that the treatment did their course and then I returned to my life. So much has been: with the fatigue of chemotherapy and radio, of course, but with the certainty that I was dealing with all the granite for a limited time to learn something, then go back to my life.
With the recurrence was different. Difficult to accept a new upheaval plans. And this time the recovery is not so obvious. Me too said they had to do chemo first and transplantation, if it had not worked, it would have gone to the transplant. The normal procedure is for degrees in medicine, and is also useful: it moves far beyond the time when you have nothing more to prove (a little joke 'cynical, but sometimes it is).
I made a new chemotherapy (high dose), I did the transplant did not work, I am a transplant. And this year was very much different from the first time that I became ill. When things get really serious, when fear is feel, the motives are important.
Here it is really "fight". Fighting to bring out a smile a day when do not you think there is nothing to laugh about. Struggling to want to continue treatment even when they do not any more, because you know they serve. Fighting, above all, in order not to close yourself but share what you feel who you are closer and helps you. It is not at all easy.
Also because the "fight" requires motivation, a goal, a goal that is not a simple cure. For a mother or father may be the children to see them grow I heal. For a young person some life plan: I want to marry that person, I want to do that job. But all can be summed up in the grounds before: I WANT TO LIVE. Those who resist even if you happen to be so bad as to forget everything else.
If a person with cancer is based, goes on. We do not know if we'll make it, but we try with all our strength, or almost. Then, as the time to think about usually have it, try to ask, but I want to live why? If you can, write, and go back to reread: sometimes the motivations change over time, but the important thing is that there are. We can help in difficult moments.
Sometimes there are moments of discouragement. It gives me very annoyed when someone sees me in a bad mood or a bit 'down and I says, "Come on, pull up, you get strength." First, I have every reason to be depressed or down. Second: I would like to see you in my place. Third: Most of the time with the right sympathy (compassion: to suffer with, someone shares with you the pain, which is nice) there is also the "annoyance" to see people who are depressed because of their illness. I was very impressed with a reflection that I once heard: Even on the cross Jesus cried out in pain and abandonment. Because we want to deny to those who suffer, those who feels going under the Law of the tears, the cry? Of course it is important to relieve all that we can, but I appeal to some non-ill (relative etc) read this blog: do not pretend that your sick relatives are always fighting, calm, brave ... even healthy people have their day "no." Accept them as they are, even if it is not easy.
Last note: I believe that almost all cancer centers also offer psychological support. If there is, use it. Even if you're one of those, like me, who have always trusted the psychology bit. Serve. To me it is served.
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