"... in name of the power that the chancellor has given me the doctor declare in Developmental Psychology and Education. "
It was a sunny day in a dark November by about a year and a half ago.
E 'all began from there, from what appeared to be only a point of arrival and only when, with the maturity in his pocket (and head), at nineteen I came to this strange new city, and my ears are ringing a song that said it all that I was "born the edge of the city where trams do not run anything, where the air is popular, it is easier to hope that to face reality."
Instead, then, in that reality we have sunk eyes, because I wanted to have it all, piece by piece.
only way I could get to that "... declare the Doctor of Psychology who sang in one voice, not just my victory, but that of my parents and their sacrifices and that of my friends and their enthusiasm.
And from that day it all started.
What I learned from books, I know this show and spend it in places I had been assigned and that I had chosen.
three hundred and sixty days are not just to pass and all that is left in each evening, is secure in that fabulous mechanism everybody call memory, and will continue, in my every day, knocking on my life reminding me that I was.
My first time in a white coat, in a psychiatric clinic.
My first look at the patients and the fear of not being able to handle it.
in the pockets of paper with a quote from a friend "Fear is the howling of the demon, Fin is peace," I squeezed between the fingers all the times when I needed it: in the first interview with my first patient, my first test administered, my first response to the primary, the first draft of my resignation on the clinical diary.
But in that place I immediately felt at home, even when I was living in despair in the eyes of patients, bringing in as if it were mine.
In my indelible memories of those six months can feel the friendship of my colleagues, one of which has become a wonderful mother and another is building a future made for you, the friendliness and professionalism of all the other that will never stop to thank my mistakes in wanting to fill the silence and have learned to contain them, the alarm clock at 6:00 every morning, three buses to reach their destination between delays and coincidence, my first August in Florence, "his" smile, "his" sleep, "his" resignation, "his" eccentricity, "his" thanks doctor, "his" desire to speak, "his" desire to stay, "his" close to my hand, "his" death, to leave all my tears with a slice of cake in the dining room and a medical embrace divided by three to taste a pizza mingled with promise.
why there I immediately felt at home because home means everything, even in its failings.
There I found everything, everything that helped me to grow.
But the regulation was written "one-year post-graduate."
and there are another six months.
In another place. With other colleagues and superiors. In other lives.
a tortuous journey, where the urge to quit is almost always the queen who wanted to submit.
But my life has taught me not to give up that ticket and stained with ink from the pockets of the coat went sniffing piles of files of children who are struggling to find its place in the world.
My memory of the last six months starting in the middle of an investigation with the voice of my boss that my mother was there in front said " now my colleague will do her some questions" where including after I turned on every side and I noticed that there was no one to be me, "the colleague who had to do some questions. "
From that day on, I breathed the smell of the error and sometimes humiliation, when I realized that " in life no one ever gives you more. "
Feeling all wrong day teaches you to accept them, even if others do not.
Even from there I went out as I entered, but I did not shed even a tear, even if the memories are there.
and rest.
Like that coffee did not want to take, including those looks ever, that smile that I did not want to do, those bars of the prison and the clink of keys, those dusty files, quell'arroganza in jacket and shirt, that promise and that the Russian matryoshka.
exactly a year ago, I became a trainee psychologist.
Today I ceased to be, preparing to become a psychologist stop.
So thank you ...
the white coat, my colleagues and to all my patients to wake up at 6:00, the traffic, the August heat, the silence that I learned to hold, fear, exhaustion, humiliation, the I did not want to take coffee, to smile, I did not want to do, the Russian Matryoshka and inhuman life that I did in the past two months.
But above all, feelings and emotions, without which no one could do this work.
And someone I have known, perhaps, has forgotten.
"Faced with the suffering of the world can take a step back, you are allowed to do and it accords with your nature. But perhaps this was the step back 'unique suffering that could have been avoided "
Franz Kafka
Today is a new beginning.
do not know what will tomorrow, or where I'll be.
But I know that this is the story I tell, without taking a step back.
I've always known.
Thanks to those who know it already.
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